Kansas GOP Insider (wannabe): A Guest Poster Notes that Yael Has Been Cleared for Light Brain Duty!

Thursday, July 28, 2016

A Guest Poster Notes that Yael Has Been Cleared for Light Brain Duty!

I don’t want to burst Yael’s bubble, but his wishful thinking is so close to falling into full-blown delusion, and my guest poster has been noticing!

Here’s his hilarious take on Yael, the Kansas City Star’s liberal heart and soul:

The Kansas City Star’s beloved liberal opinion writer and bearded lady, Yael Abouhalkah, was cleared for light brain activity this week by the Kansas City Star’s editorial board after public opinion and common sense believed him to be brain dead upon reading his editorial, Winners and Losers in the Crucial Kansas School Funding Decision, as well as anything else Yael has ever written.

Yael’s career is devoid of prestigious journalism awards, but bursting with tabloid accomplishments, including the previous article as well as an ideologically pure, obsessive-compulsive desire to fallaciously and unapologetically impugn Sam Brownback and the entire state of Kansas. Understandably, at the behest of making payroll next Tuesday, the editorial board could not risk its Most Valuable Propagandist on the sidelines and cleared Yael to author click-bait commentary for today’s issue. Upon passing the editorial board’s strict protocol of having a pulse, and subsequently renewing his pledge to continue running Pravda for Democrats, the journalist-turned-opinion-writer Yael immediately scribbled out his Winners and Losers school funding article.

Although Yael was subsequently corrected by no less than three Kansas legislators regarding his erroneous liberal fan-boy commentary praising Rep. Melissa Rooker as the chief arbiter of the school funding bill in the special legislative session (a credit for which Rep. Ron Ryckman is due), Yael chose to forego the publicly confirmed truth of multiple state legislators. Instead, Comrade Yael threw his ethical standards into the raging dumpster fire choosing to double-down and fall on his beloved hammer and sickle – a move so egregiously deceitful, even Monica’s blue dress blushed.

Unsurprisingly, marching lockstep with the Kansas City Star and his liberal brethren, the attempt to demonstrate baseline ethical standards by Yael was devoid of any noticeable effort – shockingly similar to his coverage of Kansas politics – resurfacing the worry of the aforementioned public opinion and common sense that Yael may still, in fact, be brain dead.* In light of Yael’s lack of moral compass, and impartiality, the Kansas City Star should take a play from their idol’s (Bill Clinton) playbook. Through the pending state and national elections, the Kansas City Star needs to use someone other than Yael, just as the Bill has done to Hillary since the mid-1990s.

* The Star went through a similar event in the 1990s when, after a routine physical, Yael was told to schedule an appointment with a cardiologist. However, the visit was a blessing in disguise, as Yael was diagnosed with a bleeding liberal heart and subsequently promoted.

1 comment:

  1. The best part of Yael's stick is how he clearly knows whats best for Kansas and Kansas schools. He and his ilk have done SO Well on guiding KCMO schools over the years.